i have a girlfriend! muahahahaha.. before any of u start thinking weirdly..its just for fun! haha meaning i have a 'girlfriend'! haha and she is sarah mok! so funky! haha.. it was real funny how she said "i'm stealing my brother's girlfriend!!" haha yeah will post more later! just an announcement! whee!!

lost in imagination, whats the situation? ive just written two new songs while i was on my short hiatus away. one's farewell to this love and the other's called break. basically these two songs relate alot to my own life. firstly farewell to this love marks my turn-about towards my cynicism towards relationships and the centrepiece of it all, love. basically its very easy for us to be cynical when we've been hurt before. we feel like we've been betrayed and there's not much of a point getting into another relationship because why do so when one is only gonna get hurt again? well, let me re-write your mindsets, or at least my own. each opportunity to love in itself is a lesson to be learnt. be it a hard one, a painful one or even one that teems with life and happiness, we all learn a lesson in the end. whether it be to be more careful, or to be less discerning, or to be more meticulous in one's effort, it all speaks solemn sincerity. and till you realise that love itself encompasses too much to be simply defined, then will u truly enjoy the fruits of true love and what it has planned for you.

the other song, break, was basically a piece dictating my own brokenness when i felt lonely in my quiet solitude. i felt broken and detached from my own spirit, something so incredulous as it may be. it placed so much emphasis on my own vulnerability but i definitely feel better now so yup im better. hope the songs actually make sense. will post the songs another time cos if not i'll flood my blog with songs! yup anyway there's this psychotic rush going on in my mind. i dont really know what it is, but i feel good.

Love leads to laughter, Love leads to pain
With you by my side, I feel good times again
Never have I felt these feelings before
You showed me the world, How can I ask for more

And although there's confusion
We'll find a solution
To keep my heart close to you

And I know, yes I know
If you hold me, believe me
I'll never, never ever leave

And I know
There is nothing that I would
Not do for you, Forever be true
And I know, although times can be hard
We will see it through
I'm forever in love with you

Show me affection In all different ways
Give you my heart for the rest of my days
With you all my troubles are left far behind
Like heaven on earth, when I look in your eyes

No need to cry, I'll be right by your side
Let's take our time, Love won't run dry

forever in love// dedicated to my baby! haha darling this song is super nice yeah? :) just for u! ur the best!

my playlist now is unbelievably mixed. heh

don't dream its over - sixpence none the richer
hungry - kathryn scott
dilemma - nelly feat kelly rowland
light a candle - avalon
give it to you - jordan knight
tea and sympathy - jars of clay
torn - natalie imbruglia
big yellow taxi -counting crows feat vanessa carlton
are you still having fun - eagle eye cherry
we fall down - chris tomlin
superman - five for fighting
lose yourself - eminem
bizzare love triangle - frente
you were meant for me - jewel
i could sing of Your love forever - jars of clay
all my life - kci and jojo
breathing - lifehouse
stay - lisa loeb
with every breath - sixpence none the richer feat joc.
all star - smashmouth
we are the reason - avalon
drops of jupiter - tanya chua
everything i do(i do it for you) - bryan adams
liquid - jars of clay

ok, so some of the songs are passe and well i do happen to be a sucker for oldies and love songs. there's a nice blend of christian songs too! i really like the avalon ones..its like u go ahhhh and just can totally be relaxed. and some songs are mass dance songs so sometimes when im feeling lifeless ill dance to them haha. yeah and im in love with the dont dream its over song. its so wahhh. haha yup putting it here cos my com is gonna be rebooted and these songs are sth i would really wanto download again in case i lose them :)

and people keep mistaking the first line of big yellow taxi, often hearing other things then what it actually is They paved paradise and put up a parking lot hahaha owell..the extent of our imagination. anyway :p

i have this lousy habit of being outrageously obvious. i mean its really not deliberate. more of after being obvious den do i realise my own folly and embarrassment that the subject of my mimicking happens to be listening to me too. take for example i remember going to suntec city one time and there was this policeman in front of me on the escalator. so i started animating to my friend the action of pulling out a gun and started bawling in laughter as to how i would pull the policeman's gun out of his pocket. when i glanced to my left oh my gosh! there was his partner right behind me giving me an amused look. by good golly i was so red in the face after that. i must have made a good joke-of-the-day at the police station that day.

anyway to my own bemusement, it happens all the time. there was once i was having lunch with sarah and rachel at sakae sushi and i was telling them that the guy opposite us was staring at us. in truth he wasn't but once he heard my voice he turned and shot me a bewildered look. oh my i just wanted to crawl under the sushi bar. many times these kinda things happen and i unfortunately am readily exposed to this kinda public humiliation. well then its these kinda things that keep my almost non-existant life more exciting, and more simplistic in nature.

cant believe i almost forgot! but nvm its okay im here :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVE!!!!! :) :)

today is sleepycows birthday! one of my closest friends! the poor girl pulled both her hamstrings! ouch! anyway just wanted to wish u a happy birthday eve!! u are a great fren and i thank God for you always! thanks for being there for me all the time.. really appreciate it. anyway take care and enjoy ur day! u mean so much to me! hope to see you soon!! i love u lots! muaxxx!! heh seeya babe! :)

today the hardest thing i had to do was walk away

and force myself not to be tempted by the opportunities to look back and reflect, or re-consider. i really hate the terminology behind walking away. i mean it literally drives me nuts. why do we have to make such life-changing decisions in scuh heart-rendering situations? what i walked away from to me always seemed of little importance, but i suppose judging from the really shit way im feeling now, it was more then just important to me. it was practically my life or livelihood for that matter. possibilities and impossibilities, the world is filled with them, yet mine remains somewhat caught in between everything that can be deemed as possible or impossible. i should really just give up trying to sound like i am well-learned or what. seriously it just becomes a facade. a facade of words and mind-boggling commentaries that i provide myself to run away from the reality i have to face every single day

i learnt from a friend about this new kind of 'physical therapy' where i just run out of frustration. and it works! hell yeah it does. i ran just now, the hardest and fastest i could ever have ran in my entire life. all the pent-up energy and frustration released unprecedentedly and unfortunately for me, when i stopped, i felt worse. its like i was running a race against..myself. and i feel horrible and detered.

i feel like ive become.. nothing.

today was a day full of surprises. anyway was really glad that today has finally ended, or rather, started. been a wreck the past few days, just thinking of what to do and all was exhausting, and to actually do what i needed to do made feel rather erm extinguished? is that an appropriate word? ive been desperately trying to make myself sound distinguished but i realise what a fool i am making myself out to be. i just realised that i got to work on my maths and my chinese and of course my gp. goodness knows where chinese disappeared too, and everything ive studied about maths has been shipped off to mars and never to be returned! man o man o man! then i try to get down to doing an essay for gp and im stuck on the second paragraph, which reminds me here..winston can u lend me ur gp file again? thanks :)

guess ive been really busy going about doing things that ive neglected the sole motivation i have for living. God. i become too caught up in my own disillusioned life, trying to solve irrevocable problems and when i cant..i feel inadequate. i suppose its really about giving it all up to God yea? ill try, ive been trying, and i wont give up! nevertheless its been a good three or four learning days, where ive done nothing but learn and correct. there are so many areas in my life that i need improvement on..but i cant do it alone! anyone wanna help? maybe if i concentrate more on getting things done with God's strength i mite actually get somewhere. and i can live my life not being hypocritical towards God's undivided love. like i said, ive been trying to change and be the best that i can be..but i cant do it alone. i need friends. i need you.

care to help? :)

to you.

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine
you make me happy, when skies are grey
you never know dear, just how much i love you
please don't take my sunshine away :)

anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIANA!! :) hehe.. happy birthday! hope all yer wishes come true and may You grow deeper in Christ! amen!! heh thanks for all the eat-more advice tkx yup!! enjoy ur day babe! :)

Im quite sure ive found myself. Found somewhere I belong. Cliché as it may sound, its true. Today in experiencing one of the most turbulent days in my entire life, ive found out, much to my dismay, how surprisingly easy it is for my emotions to fluctuate at such a great pace, even tho I darent ask for its tumultous flow ever again. Literally coming to the realisation of each character in xi nu ai le(joy, anger, agony and happiness), it has been a really testing yet eventful day.

joy. Maybe speaking abt something happy would prevent my depressive mood from surfacing so evidently, and maybe, just maybe.. let my heart rejoice with temporal glee. Today’s easter service was a bash, and our performances went well, some better then I expected. And there was such derilment in serving God, in glorifying Him. For one, it wasn’t about going up the stage as performers, but rather as testimonies. it was not abt going up as a singer, a dancer or an actor, but more of an empty vessel just waiting for God to use so powerfully. I don’t know if I made any personal impact on anyone, it doesn’t really matter to me if I did or did not, but I’m truly grateful for the way God’s omnipresence filled heartbeat. today also brings me the greatest joy in my heart in seeing one of my bestest friends going up for altar call. It has been my fervent prayer for almost 2years that her numbness to God’s love would be appropriately dissolved. And amen to that! Altho I must admit that I sorta gave up awhile ago, I found the strength again to hope again in the Lord for His miracle. And He gave what He promised. I swear I would have cried there and then if not for the solemn serenity present in the room. I felt joy pouring so freely into my heart and felt like something missing in my life and hers was finally filled. All thanks to God’s grace. For this I’m truly grateful.

anger. This requires careful consideration as to what I should say for fear of saying the wrong things. In accordance with my joy, something inside me snapped so sharply that I couldn’t take the recoil of my own outburst. What really happened only two of us will know, but till now I find it hard to forgive you and myself. Throw everything away. what really meant the world to me was smothered out like a dying flame. And hard as I may have tried to light it again, I couldn’t. give me time to figure myself out.

sorrow.i probably cried more then i ever did in many years. it was like something in me just couldnt withstand the emotional burdens i was carrying. im one who hates admitting to crying but i must say it was a good cry and i think ive numbed myself temporarily. Yet out of this all, much to my incredulous realisation, I realise I have been running away from many things. Things that easily escape the naked eye. Things that people never knew I went through. Ive told myself that I will not drive pity into myself, but I will inject a certain resilience to it all. Ive come to realise that I must stop running. Its quite duh and in-my-face but ive refused to face up to my incessant denial towards the harsh reality. I need time to recover. To rest for maybe a few days and actually think beks, what do you want out of life?

till then, leave me to my quiet solitude.

an open window to pain and destruction
someone save me from my own deception
crying aloud i kiss the ground
holding wide my open arms
feeling comfort in its icy threshold
of delirilment and vile attacks
to my open vulernability
why do you make me feel the way i do now?

surrendering my all

hey just had the sudden bit of inspiration to write. its not because i cant sleep but its because i am particularly excited about the coming weekend. i can just feel my bones tingling with excitement and i'm almost delirious! its been a strange yet crazy week. surprise after surprise, change after change, there's constant change happening in my life..which can be a good thing yet have its cons too. i have no idea what i am talking about honestly. anyway i realise that in order to achieve full security in Christ, i have to surrender my everything. even tho i speak so often about it, ive never been able to truly do that, to truly give my entire life up to God.

my spiritual life has been a turbulent one. ups and downs, rights and wrongs, ive seen thru a hell lot more then what i possibly could handle. but with constant guidance from God.. i realise that my life slowly starts to fall in place. and that truly is a marvellous thing, and i feel so much joy everytime God rights a wrong in my life. the weaknesses i struggle with that i continously run away from, He takes it and turns it into a strength. How wonderful is our God? as easter draws closer, my prayer is that truly lives will be touched, changed and renewed. for in the kingdom of God, a life will be changed forever! amen! glory to God in the Highest!!

You sheltered me from harm.
Kept me warm, kept me warm
You gave my life to me
Set me free, Set me free
The finest years I ever knew
were all the years I had with you

I would give anything I own,
Give up me life, my heart, my home.
I would give everything I own,
just to have you back again.

You taught me how to love,
What its of, what its of.
You never said too much,
but still you showed the way,
and I knew from watching you.
Nobody else could ever know
the part of me that can't let go

Is there someone you know,
you're loving them so,
but taking them all for granted.
You may lose them one day,
someone takes them away,
and they don't hear the words you long to say

bread :: everything i own

hard as i may try, it never seems enough. sometimes i feel so misunderstood. its like i put in my all in everything i do. be it church commitments, school responsibilities or relationship concerns, i give my all. and what do i get in return? exhaustion. and i get misunderstood for not trying hard enough. there are limitations to the human body and maybe mine wasnt built to withstand such emtional turbulence. i really want to be successful in what i do, to be committed to what ive put myself forward for. and when i fall short of not only my own expectations, judgement and condemnation fills in. and while my pride takes a backseat to my indiscretion, i stand firm wherever i am, and return home feeling like i've just been shot down from the highest building in the history of mankind and i fall, and fall, deeper into the darkness or this merciless outcry i throw myself into and like the staircase depicted in charles dickens' hard times, i fall into a bottomless pit and i never see what's below me. neither do i ever get to see the sunrise again because my life has fallen beyond compensation and i keep reaching for solid ground and sadly, i can never feel it.

on a brighter note, bonding with the kids has been an exhilerating experience. the kind that makes me feel like there's a purpose in life im actually working for. and that means a whole lot to me. sometimes i wish more people will understand where im coming from and not leave me hanging as to whether whatever im working towards for is just a translucent shield im looking through. i will get through this, be it with great difficulty or with gentle ease,and hopefully, yeah hopefully ill be fine.

justified
by: daniel and rebekah lin

You came down from Heaven, in glorious triumph
to save us from our wretchedness, away from our misery
our sins have been washed away
by Your death You set us free
and now we live, because Your rose again

chorus
for we have been Justified
Justified through faith
peace through Yor grace, which sets us free
Heaven's roar, angel's sing
Your people rejoicing
We will wait on You God
We will wait on You

bridge
into our hearts You poured Your great love
we're justified by Yoru grace
Holy Spirit, fill my life i pray
yes i pray!

daniel and rebekah lin 2003.

the piano

i moved slowly yet steadily into the open-spaced room. there was nothing in there but a piano. ah what pleasures. aimlessly i ambled towards the piano with great deliberation. sitting down on the piano stool so distinguishly crafted to perfection, i began to study the piano with greater intricacy. it was in a dark shade of brown and its covers were slightly darker. each key was polished with such care and being in the room all by itself, it certainly was an instrument that commanded great presence in its solitude. i hefted a heavy sigh and pulled my hands out of my pocket. cold, clammy and nervously tingling with excitement, i lifted my hands for inspection and when i was satisfied with its appearence, i lay it upon the piano. gently glazing the notes one by one i felt waves of intensity flow through my fingers, to my hand, and den my arm and den my whole body. overwhelmed with passion, i hit upon the notes with such force as i created a symphony of my own, a colourful display of creativity. i played on through the night, never really wanting to stop or lift my fingers of this almost magical instrument. as i played a slower piece that spoke nothing but sorrow, i realised that to make this memory a beautiful one, i had to end it. so with great reluctance and increasing despair, i stopped. and for that moment i could feel waves of magical interludes playing through my mind incessantly. amen

dancing fairies, angelic faces
graceful movements twinking with starlight
a silent transmission of peace and goodness
how lovely Your Name Father Lord
how lovely!

today was a great day. our cell met in church for dance practice. it was really good. because it really unites the cell with the new sec ones and all. it was really enjoyable and we spent alot of time just playing around. i can always dance properly when im with dem. but when im at home practicing i can never get it right. haha think its just a mental issue. anyway i really had a good time today. its gonna be a really good nite ahead and a great day ahead :)

anyway i realise that i really love singing! i sing when i wake up, sing when i'm sleeping and sing whenever im bored. im singing now. lately been so inspired by american idol so quite uppety about singing.

Jesus shall take the highest honour
Jesus shall take the highest place
let all earth join Heaven in exalting
the Name which is above all other names

Let's bow the knee in humble adoration
for at His name every knee shall bow
Let every tongue confess
He is Christ God's only Son
Sovereign Lord we give You glory now!

when will i learn that the highest honour and highest praise shall be given only to God and God alone because simply, He deserves it.and when will i let the truth that without God nothing is possible sink deep into my heart, my soul and my everything. today's worship prac thought me a valuable and humbling lesson, that we must be hungry for God and not vice versa. we must be desire God so much that He is the first person we think of every morning and the last person we think of eveyr nite. that is so hard to do, honestly for me. den again, ive never really tried. or even if i did, it was minimal. and even if i tried, nothing much would really go into it. well sometimes i think that maybe i think too much. i mean the irony of it all right?

the thing is that i really, really want to put God as my first priority, such that nothing in the world will ever mean more to me then He does. and i hate feeling so wretched about this. so much condemnation goes around me, including myself. and i cant deal with it. i fear breaking down soon and i know that the only way i can avoid that is to trust God with everything i have completely. completely. that is so hard.

seriously speaking, someone save me from the nothing i've become

For all honour and blessing and power
belongs to You, belongs to You
All honour and blessing and power
belongs to You, belongs to You
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God.

the third wheel

u know i didn't realise how depressive i can get? i mean of course i knew i could get hell depressive but i didnt know it was like severe? well i've always thought of myself as a strong, independent individual. someone who worked hard for some reason, someone who worked towards a motivated goal. so when i realise that i am too dependent on people's judgement and of cos people in general, i feel like my well-built fence around me is caving in slowly. and that sucks because i always thought that i was a fortress in my own right, and basically, a strong optimist.

well, so i'm wrong. and to be honest i hate to be wrong. i can't exactly put to mind what makes me hate being wrong or what makes me desire being right, but i really jsut hate it. and i hate being so emtionally brought down. i mean im used to people depending on me for advice and all, i still am now, but usually a good counsellor needs to be strong herself in order to give sound advice yes? yes. and maybe just maybe im not too stable myself, even though that little voice in me would immediately rise up to defend myself against that truth. ive been too dependent on people, on myself and on people's words. when will i ever learn to be dependent on God?

when will i truly feel justified?

"life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get"

what a classic. an epic tale of loving to its full and sincerity to its full redemption. forrest gump is such a beautiful story, the structure of the story, the screenplay, the words used in every scene has such moving sincerity, that even i, a regular movie buff was moved to tears. more then what appears to be just a classic, forrest gump is a moving tale of a man's determination to find true love and to truly assert the true meaning of "till death do us part"

it was a strange coincidence u know..basically i was really tired after playing a few games of literati with my sister and i was quite sure that i would be heading to dreamland pretty soon, but then ahhh the television was such a distraction. as soon as i saw forrest gump on tv, i could not tear my eyes away from the screen. so i watched. and ooher what a careful decision. im glad i sat there and watched it. cos it made me think, think of what i held dear to my heart, think of what life meant to me, think of the loved ones i miss so much, think of the people who've brought me to where i am now. to all these people, thank you.

nope am not going to be mushy or fill this page with honey-sweet words of i love u's and hugs and kisses, the most important person who has made me who i am is indubitably God. there is such unequivocal truth about His promises of a prosperous plan for us, and i truly believe that His plan has made me whole. yup today has been a day full of surprises and full of obligatory things to be done, and i did what i could. anyway it was a really exciting day, made me feel like the happiest girl in the world. but yepp.. to you. thanks for being part of me. thanks for making me smile when i really needed a cheerful soul, thanks for being just you.

so this pushes me to ask myself "what deters me from being humble?"

and i get this sick gut feeling in my stomach as i struggle to find that answer. of cos pointedly i know what the answer is, but if u ask me to pin-point my exact faults and defects, i would find it extremely difficult. maybe its because i refuse to realise my own struggle with pride. and it becomes a deterring factor in my association with non-christians, becos i fail to be that beacon of light that God shines through to others. and dat prompts me to ask myself again

"what right do i have to preach about humility and pride when i indubitably struggle with it the most"

and i was searching, searching for the right answers, the correct solutions, the dummies-guide-to-humility and i could only find my answer in God. He clearly states that we are "justified by God's grace, therefore we can stand firm" and have the right to preach about these topics. we often worry ourselves silly about what people will think about our struggles and fear what they may conclude about your character through these faults.

just a few weeks ago the cell word was on the topic of honouring your father and mother, and personally that was extremely difficult for me. not to mention onerous and wearisome. i cannot, absolutely cannot follow that commandment. if u know me well enough, in situations like mine, u will clealy understand why. but i have failed to be the filial daughter. i argue with them, i yell back at them, i do things to spite them and a few years back i actually ran away from home! what a painful and horrifying experience that still grips sorely at my conscience and at my heart. the memory of it already makes me shiver in despondency. so when i was asked to lead in cell word that very sunday, i knew in my heart that i was not only the worst possible candidate for this week's sharing, i was also unworthy to even talk about it. because that was something that hit home and i couldn't manage my feelings.

i sat at the computer many nights in a row, determined to just "get through with it" and later relinquish the importance of it all. but for that many nites, i couldn't do it. finally on saturday nite, i sat down went through the bible study material(which by the way is so structured that theres not much need for preparation) and i just prayed for God to set me free. trials and tribulations He has given me, i sought after Him only when i was at my most desperate moment. and i prayed for releasing. to release me from this burden of guilt, filial piety and obligation that i felt so dearly in my heart for. and voila! i did it. i managed to do it.

i was messaging gen that night and she told me that she too couldn't do this topic very well because she personally didnt find herself worthy. its not about being worthy anymore, so what if we are, so what if we aren't? God's perfect grace has justified us to be able to stand firm and to tell one another that we are not standing there preaching/worship leading etc by our own strengths, but by the grace in which He sets us free.

struggling with our pride

we all have our weaknesses and personal defects and above all the things we entertain in our daily lives, pride is the one solid thing that i struggle with the most. i already find it hard to share about this as it subjects me to people's judgements and whimsical fancies. people judge and the rather deviating thing about it all is that even tho i try hell hard not to let it affect me, i let people's opinions dictate the way i live my life. what people say, what people think about me; i want to be free from people's scrutiny, free from their judgement and perceiving eyes. when i find that freedom, freedom in Christ, i'll let you know.

we often let people decide for us what to wear, how to look, basically in general our appearance. we let people determine what kind of clothes suit our so-called image, we let people tell us what brand of shoes looks good on us..etc. basically we are letting them make choices for us, and letting them rule our lives with their fashion arbitration. then again, its human nature isnt it? who doesnt want to look their best for photos etc. who doesnt want to look just..pretty? we fashion ourselves based on their soul-stirring remarks and we become someone they want us or imagine us to be. maybe its not all that serious.. but we sure are becoming a walking superficiality. and very soon, even we ourselves would find it hard to be that someone we keep living our standards up to.

dont know what prompted me to write such an argumentative blog. it just seems that nowadays people are becoming less and less of what they are supposed to be, and in doing so they are becoming less and less of themselves. its sad huh? but thats the world for you, cynical, superficial and filled with all-rounded goodness

What Drink Are You?

hahah woohoo!! the real thing! i love coke, but not too much of it please? :)

i'd do anything, for you dear anything
for you mean everything to me
i'd go anywhere for your smile
anywhere, for ur smile, everywhere, my dear

i'd do anything, anything for you
yes i'd do anything, anything for you


:: taken off the oliver soundtrack ::

i just watched oliver. its amazing. i find it rather interesting the way they can come up with such extraordinary direction from an equally complex story by charles dickens. like i said before, dickens is a classic writer, intricate with his details and careful with the way he plans his story. never would he imagine his very own story being played out like an unrehearsed symphony, sounding and looking that damned well. anyway back to the musical, i always feel so exhilerated when i watch a musical. it thrills me and puts me in a very inspirational mood. makes me feel so contained in the world of music.

the singers were marvellous, no doubts about that. they sang from their hearts and each note that came out was filled with melancholic creativity. the way each note rang with such..oh my i dont know how to put in words the feelings i have now, but it was juts beautiful. i wanna sing like that one day. i wanna use my voice in such a powerful way that it can power ministries and do great service for God. till that day comes, i wil be waiting and listening to God's purposed life he has for me. :)

wow. i've been quite inspired off late. to write music, essays and im even starting on a novel. which in a controversial turn makes me really idle. its telling me that i have too much time on my hands. was just fiddling with the piano a couple of days ago and i actually managed to compose a tune. its a first for me ok, to actually write the music before the lyrics. and that day while studying with andrea we wrote a song titled runaway, and i think ive got a good guitar-more-den-words-kinda tune. so thats all ready too. and ive really been spending a hell lot of time on website building, but den again i am earning money from it so..yay alrite, back to stoning and website building. this has become my life. haha. maybe i was born with an affinity with computers. and music maybe?

"let the music heal your soul, let the music take control"

the day went by reasonably fast. i mean only this morning i was blogging at sarahs hse..now im in the comfort of my own home blogging. yup. the kids came over. we met at far east and walked back home while sarah whined all the wya back complaining how hot and sticky it was(ya rite!) haha and we had alota fun just fellowshipping at my house.. of cos we added in the messy interlude of steak sauce and whipped cream. so it was definitely a messy affair. anyway really glad that they came over. helped me to relieve some nerve-wrecking issues in my life that i couldnt really envision in another perspective.

yup we were sitting outside my house at the rooftop there, where there's a perfect view of rgs, town and the whole interlada. it was really an awesome sight and like how dreams are made of, i brought my guitar out and we lullabyed atop the roof. it was an exhilerating experience and we enjoyed it tremendously. a good avenue for anyone to just relax, think and discern. shall do more thinking there.. or do more songwriting there. may get some inspiration. yup. but this has all left me super tired, considering that i only had like less den 5hrs this past 2days. i think i need to sleep.

this crisis i face, this love i chase, thanks for showing me all the ways

my mind is a whirlwind of mixed emotions now. haha but dont get me wrong. im just sinply tired. my eyes can hardly open becos my eyelids are so heavy that they are clamping down on my poor eyeball. ooher. i kinda fell asleep only at 4plus last nite.. and im up now! hahah yup so kinda wiggly woogy now.. yup went to sarahs hse ended up staying over..anyway was thinking alot last nite..and i really could comprehend all my thoughts for once, i could actually understand what i was thinking about for once.. it has been long since ive been able to do that. but how glad i am.

lately theres been many things happening around the world and even around us theres a chaotic mess that awaits our attention every morning. the complexity of this sars virus is rather astonishing, just received an email fron my dad saying how we should ALL wear gas masks. phooey to that but stil, we all gotta be a little more careful eh? with so much drudgery happening around me, so much pain and dying happening every minute, its hard to stay ignorant or yes, feign oblivion. its true that we must wake up to this call, but let us remember one thing.

the world is not for us to save, its God's job.

i have had notthing important enough to note down in my blog. my life has been the same. boring and draggy. well the sars thing is really getting to the ppl in singapore. its gravity on the economy is substantial and seemingly our economy is now greatly affected. was in a cab one day and the cab driver was complaining as to how his business has gone down so much that he ferries only abt 5 people a day in his 12hour shift becos simply no one dares take the risk of travelling in the cab. this paranoia is being carried to far. but who can blame ppl for wanting to be safe den sorry?

well on a lighter note, today is april fools day. i remember all the little pranks and jokes we carried out in secondary school. the times where we would switch classes with the next door class for the entire day, times where we would wear a freakin sari up the stage to command for ncc. haha it was really quite enjoyable. i remember having so much fun. sigh i really miss rgs. and i miss being in a structured environment where ur day is planned and not as irregular as my sch hours are now.

this morning i met eve at serene macs for brunch and to pass her some stuff. she finally returned my money after 4months hehe, stupid cow! but its alrite, theres some girl who stil owes me 80bucks from sec3! gosh. i kinda forgot who it is. but its written in my diary, was good talking to eve, she managed to give me a clear view as to what i wanted and all..and i became much more excited about my future :) which makes me frightfully glad. haha anyway twas a good day today. something unexpected happened the nite before. made me think and got me pondering about exploring certain touchy areas i never dared go to before. ok, nuff said. off to building websites. haha