today the hardest thing i had to do was walk away

and force myself not to be tempted by the opportunities to look back and reflect, or re-consider. i really hate the terminology behind walking away. i mean it literally drives me nuts. why do we have to make such life-changing decisions in scuh heart-rendering situations? what i walked away from to me always seemed of little importance, but i suppose judging from the really shit way im feeling now, it was more then just important to me. it was practically my life or livelihood for that matter. possibilities and impossibilities, the world is filled with them, yet mine remains somewhat caught in between everything that can be deemed as possible or impossible. i should really just give up trying to sound like i am well-learned or what. seriously it just becomes a facade. a facade of words and mind-boggling commentaries that i provide myself to run away from the reality i have to face every single day

i learnt from a friend about this new kind of 'physical therapy' where i just run out of frustration. and it works! hell yeah it does. i ran just now, the hardest and fastest i could ever have ran in my entire life. all the pent-up energy and frustration released unprecedentedly and unfortunately for me, when i stopped, i felt worse. its like i was running a race against..myself. and i feel horrible and detered.

i feel like ive become.. nothing.