standing at the crossroads.
it was a simple choice. she could take one step forward, yet be met with serious consequences, or she could step backwards just a little, and leave it as that. of course, the path undertook in which led her to this surreal junction had not been an easy one. it had been frightening, tumultous and wrecked with pride. i have to get past pride. this echoed in her head like a bell that wouldn't stop resounding with such ferociousness, that for a few moments now and then, she would let it overwhelm her being for just awhile, sending her own mind into states of confusion and delusion. it seemed easier that way, to just let her feelings override what her practicality would deem her to do. of course it was only human nature to be thoughtful about it, but she couldn't gather her thoughts and present her views in a coherent, not to say comprehensible manner.

chinablack!
whoa! haha first party that i truly enjoyed! not usually the clubbing sort, but decided to go anyway with sash ollie and andrea. met lotsa people there! gen yanting gloria jiah clara alex lingx! tim cherie jong the whole arts bunch haha and a slightly seh little foot! by the way she really is small i realise, so ickle. haha but nevermind.. angie and huahui came too!! yay! also saw mooky and browncow.. woot alota people man! yah but anyway it was really different this time becos i felt safer with familiar people around and i could totally be myself and dance like a bird! haha (literally maybe..) haha and really enjoyed myself.. met alden too and lionel! haha alota people went yesterday lah it was madness, so crowded, so difficult to get on the podium haha

anyway im so broke. super totally man. i think i need to work or sth. haha like NOW. haha going to be totally bimbo today and go for a massage with paupau and the boys haha den meeting adrea for early dinner.. dens i have a wedding rehearsal!! so tired!! hope i dont screw it!! haha okie laters alligators!! :)

i hate to learn
ive never really enjoyed learning. ive managed to successfully weave myself out of tiresome scenarios countless of times. both physical and mental situations of course. but in due time, i learn things the hard way, and i fall so hard i struggle to pick myself up each time it happens. well, today ive learnt one of the greater lessons in life, and one of the hardest for myself. it caused me to actually break down in tears publicly for the first time in a very long time, and it was because i felt so suffocated.

i could walk through the doors of church, sit through the entire sermon, even smile a little when ringo was handing out the new roster for the worship team, yet my entire being was breaking with every withstanding minute. i walked out to the "mingling" area and smiled at many people, even braving my own hurts with small laughs and with that same moronic optimism that i seem to have all the time. then it came to the crux of the matter... i was actually already tearing and angie told me to be stronger and get through this. and i did. but when gen sat down next to me and asked why i was sulky, it was just free flow man! i felt slightly embarrassed, yet i felt the full release of all my pent up frustration. gen made sure ill be okay and yay she gave me caramel choc! but yeah didnt really tell her why i was upset. a little difficult to tell i suppose.

well. *sigh* my heart is heavy, and its time to let go. ill try. i promise.

it is my day today, and i want to be happy.

but it is a rather grave thing to have to accept that you just arent as important to a person as they are to you. but owell nvm, we all learn dont we?

i feel like nobody understands me. nobody knows what i really mean when i say certain things and no one takes me seriously when i mean it. thats a rather sad observation ive made today.

being reflective isnt good. just wished i could be a little more... happier.

c'est la vie.

happy eighteenth to beks.

you know those times i said i love you -- i meant it.
those times i said i've forgotten you -- it still hurts
those times i said i've hardened my heart -- i chose to hide.
you always manage to dispel all fear -- and i fear only this.

the truth is, my heart can only love you.

woot*days of cheer, days of happiness!
had one of my best christmas holidays this year. seriously! had alot of fun and spent most of it smiling and laughing! met angie, my bros cell, dan tham, brian, and some other ppl for lunch at crystal jade.. ate alot den walked around with angie to buy presents for different people heh. den rushed to town to meet cookiemonster to pass her present and den went home to nap for a little while before prepping for my family christmas thingy where all my relatives came over haha.. den headed for christmas eve service! wore a dress!! *gasp* haha shocking right? will upload photos soon.. to be seen only by the exclusive few. haha took alota photos and exchanged gifts in church.. headed to sueannes hse after that where gen locke angie huahui and many other ppl were there! it was dam funny to see people getting wasted, not to mention myself getting totally smashed too! haha we played taitee lah and my partner, the infamous champion, lost so many times!! grrr.. haha so drank quite a bit.. its really amusing to see all of them all hyper and crazy! funfunfun! haha next morning went back around 11 with my seh brother.. haha den rested at home..

went for christmas dinner with neutron at grappas at chijmes! great food, even GREATER prices! sniff. haha but yeah it was a good dinner.. glad that i could talk to him again yup.. and to clear a little misunderstanding up.. NO WE'RE NOT. hahahaha.. anyway after that watched mona lisa smile!! so nice!!!! great movie!!!!!!! wooot!!! very inspiring and thought-provoking. kk enough, super tired!! laters!

merry christmas one and all, have a blessed christmas :)

christmas cheer
as i was walking around today, getting some christmas shopping done, i had a certain burden in my heart. and that was about how we have totally shifted focus about what truly is important during Christmas. Christ was born on this very special day, and Christmas is about celebrating His birth! yet year after year, we've been throwing parties, having sleepovers, stuffing ourselves silly with turkey and whathaveyous, and we have totally neglected the praise and celebration UNTO God! so this year, im going to be much more relaxed, less tense and just enjoy this Christmas with one thing on my mind -- evangelising.

cliche it may seem to you, but im sick of having nightmares in which my non-christian friends all slip away so fast without me having the golden opportunity to share with them the central stronghold of my life -- faith. ive been struggling with pride so very often, and i always ask myself why im so scared to share the gospel, and i guess during camp i realised it was because i feared rejection, and judgement once my mouth mentions anything close to being "holy". more often then not, i find it so difficult to share.. but im gonna try, and im gonna share when i can! :)

anyway got alot of things to do this week, and im looking forward to it actually, just hope i wont be caught up in all the rush :)

its a wrap!
after sleeping for like ten hours plus, im up and very awake! its the most no. of hours of sleep ive had for the past two weeks maybe? heh, and im happy, and rejuvenated. camp was in one word -- awesome. i had some of my greater moments there and im pleased to say that it went well, solely by the grace of God. without Him we are nothing, and camp would have been impossible. all honour and praise goes to Him. the camp was for Him and im glad the campers had a great time. :) i have so many things to say to my commers becos theyve been nothing but blessings to me, and in every step of the way, theyve helped me grow and become a better person. worship was powerful, there was team unity and altho the food sucked really bad, no one really complained. oops.. heh sorry abt it guys! anyway here's some thankyous for the camp.

oh, oh. of cos. photos!! here you go!!
photos

firstly my commers. the camp comm.

sue-anne
hello everybody! my name's sue-anne! i think everyones starting to use yr lingo and talk like you or whine like you. seriously ive never seen a more hilarious person like yrself.. uve been inspiring to the comm and to me, and yr dedication encourages me to serve with all my heart. u have been a really special person in the comm, always encouraging us to persevere and press on despite yr own tiredness and that truly warrants my respect and admiration for you! great job sue! camp wouldnt have been as complete as it was without you! :)

kai
mr-dont-wake-me-up-two-people-can-make-breakfast-lah man! heh.. kai, before camp comm, i hardly knew u and im glad camp brought all of us together.. uve been a great listener and smone i can haggle with regarding raffles' matters and overall a great friend to have! similarly, im encouraged by yr dedication and yr determination to make this camp a great camp! its been great having u around and knowing u better.. yup. we did it kai! we did it! :)

huanyang
first of all, u tell realllllly bad jokes. second of all, we all laugh at them because its reallllly bad jokes haha and last of all, okok we'll stop all the crap since it isnt edifying :p haha.. the abdominal man! haha big and direct, u know what u want out of this camp.. [no it isnt the ass-grabbing part sillies] heh its seeing evangelism being shared. by the way everyone huanyang has an ass-grabbing fetish, so please take care in protecting yr butts when u stand up or are within hands reach from huanyang. haha.. but seriously, yr a great guy, and great fun to be with. :)

jolin
ahhhhhhh my inverted boob woman with size D cup! haha ohmygoodness i never knew u could be such a bimbo and such fun to be with! yr hyperactiveness and crazy bimboing really has made me smile so many times! and our "together lalalaa" jigsaw puzzle madness??? heh.. u know what? i never expected to see such a different side of u.. but how glad i am.. thanks for being a great companion and for being such fun!! i hope uve grown during this camp and i thank you for being such a blessing to me!! apart from sleeping most of the time.. heh.. yr a great person with a big heart!!

jeanette
champion! heh.. i met u in hawaii last yr and now ive met u in camp! i never knew u.. always thot u were shy and quiet.. shy no! quiet yes! heh.. uve been so hardworking this camp and all the treasury stuff would have gone haywire if u werent around! and after getting to know u better.. u know all yr fencing escapades and my timberland hunts? haha.. u really make me smile with all yr cracks abt yr sea games gold medal! heh.. and jet lag from vietnam??? heh.. im glad to know u better and im gonna miss u when u go to germany next yr!! its been a joy champion. a joy :)

angie
my tausarpau. haha i have so much to say about you but im starting to feel sleepy. heh. HELLO!!! haha i really think from the bottom of my heart that u are one really unique girl who's so special in her own way! i would have died without u edging me on and encouraging me.. i would have died without all yr hilarious stories and we laughing and poking all yr fats.. and i would have been a lesser person without u around! angie, its been a great blessing having u in this camp.. our many talks.. seeing each other in complete messes.. uve really been the best!! i never expected to be close to u but how glad i am.. uve been nothing but a joy to me tausarpau!!! and i just wanna say that camp would have been less fun without u!! oh, ps. use less tissue paper.. cos if not i have a greater mess to clear hahaha.. i love u babe! :)

benjamin
heee.. my psuedo boyfriend. haha.. becos we looked so matching on the last day cos of the camp shirts.. haha.. my a great buddy of mine! small, but powerpacked with unmatchable enthusiasm. energised by his laughter and his great attitude to this camp, ive really been encouraged by you!! im so glad that uve grown becos i can see changes in u that would make everyone smile!! uve been such fun that im gonna miss u now that camp has ended. its really great to know u better ben.. thanks so much. :) u really make me smile!! hee..

adrea
worship and prayer ic.. haha apart from falling asleep during camp.. uve been great!!! heh.. knowing u better and walking with u and talking with u at night.. even tho i struggled to keep my eyes open each time.. heh. yr a great person adrea, extremely beautiful inside..[outside too of cos haha] and i must say that its been a great joy having u alongside me during this camp.. u have kept me awake.. waited for me outside the toilet haha and just overall being a great friend to have! really thank God for you.. this camp is even more special cos of you! :)

eric
didnt know u before the camp.. but really impressed by the way u handled things during this camp! thankyou so much!!! :)

my three lovely boys - zac, sk, josco
heyy!!!! u know what.. camp turned out so much better den i thought it would be and im really glad u boys have grown!! josco, uve done a great job with the buses, really encouraged by yr enthusiasm and determination to go all the way and get the best buses at the cheapest prices, really thankful that my grandson has been so hardworking.. great job!! and sk.. for being saggysaurus and for keeping me awake during sermons.. for just looking out for me, and for being such a great guy! uve helped wherever and whenever and im really awed by yr commitment to this camp and yr want for it to go well! really proud of u! and zach! darling uve been such a gentleman, always carrying my bag for me heh.. thanks for being such a hard worker and for putting in so much effort, it much appreciated.. heh u boys have been really great and i realllly thank God for you guys..uve made this camp so special just by being part of it!! :)

vinz
the vinz and beks show would have been gone without u.. thanks so much for backing me up and for just holding the forte when i struggled to find my voice.. uve been really hilarious and im still quite upset that u cheated on me with brian! *sniffs* haha.. but seriously, its great to know u better and to see u dance the camp dance.. heh.. uve been such fun to talk to :)

wansze
i THOUGHT u were quiet. how wrong i was!!! loudest mg girl ever!! chichichacha!! whoaaa and have u heard her whine?!!! haha.. im surprised honestly. to see u bursting with such cheer and such formidable enthusiasm!! despite being called a shortie, i must say that ur small but powerpacked with great commitment. i take all i said back abt u being quiet, becos thats everything but you. heh, great work in the camp.. really proud of you :)

shin yee
the videos would have been impossible without u.. and yr many bad jokes too! heh i never really did thank you for availabling[ bad english there..] yr hse to us to edit videos late into the nite! well of cos it was far... but those nites cooking food and almost screwing yr comp[sorry!!!] were really fun! and of cos seeing yr bright cheery face every morning as i grouched and whined cos i didnt want to wake up was an uplifting thing... thanks so much and i hope uve benefitted from the camp as much as i have benfitted from knowing u!! :)

heh yup done with the commers.. now some people who've made camp special :)

orange
heh *scrunches up face and waves like a retard* hehe hello orange! thanks for cheering me up whenever u see me.. orange faces and all.. uve been such a dear friend to me! thanks for being around in camp.. especially that nite when i dragged u out of bed to talk.. u really encourage me to love my friends more and to give more of myself! thankyou so much!! iloveya! *muaks*

gennnnnnnnnnnnn
hee. hello! *waves* haha.. im glad things are back to what it was before and im glad to have had u around during camp.. it just makes me happy u know? everytime im down i would cheer up when i see u around cos like i said, u make me smile! i enjoy talking to u and altho i def cannot offer the best advice, i promise to try.. and if theres one thing i can offer to u for life, its a listening ear! thanks for yr commitment as a leader, and thanks for doing what u were supposed to do.. yr group is a great group.. and they love u lots becos uve been so inspiring.. just like how uve been to me.. i thank God for u every day becos yr special and i look forward to having tea when we're 50 yr old taitais ok? :) love u loads! -hugs

evey
even tho u appeared only on the last day, do u know how impt that was in making me smile and wake up??[ i was falling asleep during sermon before that... oops!] heh.. yr million dollar smile and our billion failed photos.. and of cos u claiming that ull take a better photo but it ending up looking exactly like my failed photos... heh.. it was really great to see you :) just wana let u know that :)

winston
hey you! apart from angie, gen and perhaps the comm people, i think yr one of the few ppl ive talked to the most this camp.. thanks for yr encouragement, and for being a sweet friend who's always there to pull me up when im down.. im glad i got down to sharing with u what i really was bogged down with that nite and im glad u shared too.. ive so much to learn from u.. and im glad to have u as a friend.. camp would have been a little more difficult if i didnt have u around to encourage me along.. thanks!! :)

steven
thanks for the lozenges and for the nim jiom sweets.. it was reallly sweet of you and i realllly was touched when u passed me the sweets. thank terence for driving out okay? thank you for caring and thanks for being such a friend :)

clem
yesyes. thank u for yr liang cha. ha! i wanted my curry puff lah but u didint want to buy cos it would hurt yr conscience.. *mumble grumble* haha.. but yes yr one-liner reallly takes the cake!! haha.. yup.. glad that uve managed to let go of certain things in yr life!!

ok.. im done.. still have a few more ppl in mind.. but getting tired and hungry!! :\ heh.. christmas is just around the corner and theres gonna be a comm party/dinner/debrief/stayover at my hse later!! woot* cant wait.. really miss those guys already!! heh.. den its back to studying, cos eeep i havent done much during the holi and during camp!! but christmas christmas!! haha on the 28th me and angie are gonna wipe out my bro's pockets clean by having our dinner treat at swensens heee.. wanted it on the 26th, day before my bday but stupid daniel lin has duty in camp! *scowls* so nope.. and haha for the first time in yrs im gonna not plan for my bday.. gonna just sit back and reflect.. maybe go out for a meal or sth but yeah gonna keep it simple. heh okay im off to get some food, maybe read newspapers or watch tele, and write cards, buy pressies.. so exciting!!! heh adios amigos!!

ps: just realised that this is one hell of a long post. forgive me :)

yup! im back from aussie! it was a great trip, very relaxing, went to the sauna and the gym, and of cos around aust itself. felt really refreshed! heh anyway just came back from mdm wong's.. super tired.. dont usually go clubbing but already promised lingx a long time ago so went with sash, ollie and andrea. had quite a bit to drink but was still very sane.. went to newton for supper later with them and then headed back, so tired now. will blog again in a few days, after camp maybe! looking forward to it lots!!! heh..

im missing you more then you know.

hahaha crap. the only time i get to log on and stupid blogspot has a problem! *frowns*

hahaha anyway its been amazing!!!! im as red as a lobster and im slowly recovering my voice! still have that sexy husky voice tho hahaha joking anyway has been really relaxing! rollercoasters have been heart-plunging but great!! has helped me to release alot of tension! so yup feeling alot more happier. plus shopping always is a good remedy for a bad day! haha yup, feeling much better, much more optimisitic, think this holiday really is doing me good!! :) yup not worrying so much abt things at home.. except for camp!!! how are u all guys??? blehhh i miss u all muchmuch!! hahaha tausarpau i got u sth dam funny! haha dont worry, ull enjoy it hahaha... anyway yepp cant wait to get back, yet am so reluctant to leave the sand, the sea and the lovely scenery, took many pictures, will share when im back!! hehe. *grin*

anyway the weathers crazy, really hot lah and yup getiing burnt all over.

anyway i miss alot of people already. hehe. kay tkcare all!! seeya soon!!

u know what.

some people can be just so dam insensitive.

other then being made a complete fool today, my day was relatively good.

flying off soon, my friend told me sth which ill use.

"im as happy as a clown, but most of the time clowns are usually sad"

clutching her wallet in one hand, and her bag in the other, she gets off the bus.

the surroundings enveloped her with strange hostility. yet at the same time, she felt ironically calm. her last conversation with a friend on the bus now seemed far and frightfully unfamiliar, but she didn't give a fuck. raising the volume of her headphones to its maximum volume, she walked on steadily, yet shaking with fear, as she basked in the warmth of her favourite tunes.

"i'll never leave you behind, or treat you unkind. the tears in my eye, speaks of the sweetest goodbye"

as the words echoed violently in her heart, she felt a sudden emptiness as the streets suddenly became startlingly empty. there was only her, her music and the emptiness of her heart. and for that one swift of a moment, she felt nothing more then loneliness creeping into her heart. it seared through her entire self like a cracking fire, burning and destroying everything in sight.,

as the walls came down in one swift motion, so did her entire self. it culminated in her feeling wrecked and as she walked away, one could hear her say

numb maybe? maybe, just maybe yes

can't believe it!
holiday starts tomo night!!! yay!!!! cant wait cant wait. need it need it. haha. anything to get out of this town. but anyway gonna miss all the camp meetings. owell, yay. be back on the 16th night, just in time for lingx' dbl0 party!! yay haha goinggoing!! so glad that i can be back in time! short holiday but yup didnt want to miss the party! haha anyway after that its camp!! yay yay yay!! den christmas and all!! i feel the spirit already! feeling happy. went christmas shopping today, bought most of the presents and no angie i didnt buy you the grandma panties u wanted. hahaha.. dammit right? i got sth better! hohoho! anyway yeah now quite broke! *sobs* but nevermind.. doing all the catching up tomo.. meeting my shifu tmrw for tea! yay! haha okayokay, i have to scoot of to write cards and send them before i go out again later!! ;) *smiles*

the timsum family
haha just got back from comm bbq, dam fun.. really enjoyed myself even tho i was a little under the weather when i got there. we ate quite a bit, and then started all the "lets get sue-anne wet" campaign in which EVERYONE got wet in the end. the conniving tactics of angieseow haiyo. tsk tsk. hahaha did i mention that she's dam bad at pranking ppl? that goes for my bro too. hehe anyway after that went to sueannes hse to watch are you hot haha dammit the one i wanted to win didnt:( haha ate tonnes of ice cream den sent almost everyone home, den jeanette and i went for newton supper. haha dam fat now. shit. haha diediedie. anyway yeah chwee kueh, hope yr feeling better!!

anyway to my charsiewbao, lormaikai, yucharkuay, chweekueh and onni. hahahah oh and of cos my tausarpau, hahah thanks man! u guys really cheered me up unknowingly and i had a wonderful time! haha yup, timsum buffet someday!! :)

anyway tagboard is on the left.. so feel free to leave a message! yay!!

reason for cheer
was supposed to meet eve this morning, but had little sleep and was feeling under the weather, was running a fever, but thankfully i got better. yup anyway

going on weds for a week to aust, will be back just in time for camp. will be busy for the next two days or so. just got back from lunch with winst.. katong laksa was shiok.. went to the real katong laksa haha and had durian puffs and egg tarts! yumyum! took a look at guitars and all.. have a bbq tonite at ben's house for camp comm.. cant wait! itll be fun! ;) yup. den tomorrow meeting ling to see whether i can work next year for a few months at mcs again. busybusybusy. need to do so many things, need to clear up quite a few things before i leave. bought quite a few things today. cards and stuff. ive a planner! haha finally. anyway i love les miserables man!

new phase. new life
dam tired. wanto sleep but no... going star awards haha ya i know. wat the. anyway gonna leave it at this simple template first.. have to change the photo soon! flowers?! my goodness. haha anyway tagboard doesnt seem to work for now, so yup comments link will have to do. :) heh.. anyway going to aust on weds. looking forward to it.. really need the break.

today was a rather shit sunday morning, the afternoon was slightly better, but not much. owell. yup gonna rest awhile before i go anywhere. bleh.

Master your emotions and yourself. Reliance is weakness
i took this from locke's blog... how true. i must get a grip on myself. get a grip beks!!!!! hang in there, dont break, dont fall, dont let yourself down. surely you can be stronger den this?

i can be strong.

i must be strong.

i must conceal my pain with pride, with arrogance and with anything i can muster to hide my brokenness. that way it seems to make things so much easier, so much less complicated.

build up my defences, take no offences.

harden my heart, i'll rather be numb.

come on beks, fight the good fight!!!

aRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hate it. its easier to be cold and unfriendly, that way, it'll be harder to feel.

"to me you are perfect, and my wasted heart will love you"

watched love actually, and i loved it. it was so sweet, and i was tearing at this part, when the guy showed keira knightley the placards with his declaration of love on christmas!! so sweet! *melts* i love keira knightley, think she's dam chio. haha and she can act well.. yupp anyway the above sentence is so sweet. im gonna get the dvd when it comes out. haha i rarely get dvd's and the few ones that ive gotten were charlies angels both 1&2 cos it was oh so bimbotic and such comic relief for me! and i got minority report cos i loved the plot and the interesting way the story was acted out, and i have simon birch, a walk to remember, i am sam, all classic tearjerkers! one day gonna invite friends over for a crying fest! haha or maybe a bitch fest where we can just bitch and laugh at ourselves silly watching bimbotic shows heh

have yourself a merry little christmas
christmas is coming, and thats enough reason for cheery ansd sunshiney smiles!! im feeling the christmas spirit much more then i did last year.. think its really a great feeling! its like u wake up in the morning, u hear the christmas carols, u think of all the christmas cards u havent written and all the presents u havent bought, and then you think of the christmas turkey, the lunches, the dinners and of cos the frosting on the log cakes that taste oh so yummalicious, and you just cant help but smile. of cos, a time to be spent with family and friends tops it off so wonderfully! christmas christmas is but 20 days away, and for me, i sure am looking forward to it!! spread the christmas cheer, its great to wake up with a smile! ;)

my stomachs dam queasy, ive got a dam bad headache, and the next time i sleep will probably be tomorrow afternoon. ahhhhhh but i had fun last nite and i got my dam thing the moment i got home, like full blast man. no wonder ive been pms-ing #%#@@%$#. so now off i go, todays gonna be one looooong day. and chihuahua hope yr not pissed or sth. sleep well!

im supposed to be dam tired, i actually am, but i actually woke up at 7 in the morning despite my impossible hours of sleep over the past week or so. slept around 2 last night, had a long day yesterday, a 3hour camp meeting at night topped it off and i returned home absolutely smashed! i was intending to sleep more actually but i couldnt. weird. den i started messaging people out of the blue. haha. den i made myself a breakfast bigger then myself! hehe.. spifilicious! read the papers and mags. feel so ah-peh. hahahah.. now im thinking abt the green-old-man who kept staring at me at far east and the stupid doofuses friends of mine wanted me to "interview" him....... soo paiseh only. *faints* haha.. okay im really just crapping now.

i would love to write about other things, but im afraid itll come out all angry and wrong, and it could cause some misunderstanding, so yes ill swallow everything down, including my pride. i'll say sorry and mean it though it would muster alot of courage out of me to do so, i would turn around and walk away even though it hurts me the most.

but im in so deep, you know im such a fool for you. oh i thought the world of you, i thot nothing could go wrong, but i was wrong i was wrong. but you always really knew
i just want to be with you.

And I'm so damn frustrated
Losing breath and now I'm shaking
Gotta keep myself from breaking down
Someone get me out

i wish i could be dory. carefree, blur and unaware of whats going on. and add that short-term memory bit too. so that i can be selective abt what i want to remember and what i want to know. maybe living a life of oblivion is better. can be indifferent, real, and be myself. aiyah dont know.. before im termed as being bi-polar or having termed depression per se, im alright and i dont neeed anyyyy help, im just in a state of confusion. and im just thinking more now, which is a good thing ok.

aiyah i changed the skin cos i like dory so much, but i cant change the line-height of my posts and i cant put an interval in between each post, so yeah it looks real messy, but this will have to do for now, cos i like dory. hehe. ;) btw, anyone who can help me with the line-height thing or whatever, pls help me!! thanks!!