total hours of sleep since wednesday night = 5hours

i think i have been feeling more lethargy then emotional turbulence. maybe its just all lethargy and none emotional. well, i feel like a nerdy-queen all over again, pouring over books and plays and doing what atypical student would do on a friday morning, study. maybe the point is that i dont really want to study this morning because i slept at 3 last night and tumbled in bed till 6 in the morning before finally heading to dreamland( or wasit nitemares?) and now im awake after a measely 2hour nap. for the heck of it i would actually go back to sleep but my bloody room is so stuffy i would just tumble and tumble all the way again. so whats the point?

ive been in a collective mood off late, very meticulous in my studying efforts and i just keep driving the information into my brain and even when my brains are almost full i cram even more stuff in. so i end up feeling really wasted because so what if i can spit back out all the information in my exams? so what if i can do well for them and score reasonably fine? i dont care for all these at all, cos its not important to me. i dont wanto live my life heading for one aim to study my ass off for everything i do and wanting to excel in every single damn thing i do. why do i have to live up to the expectations my family sets for me? just because its necessary to have an education in singapore makes me all the more mad about it. nevermind, im just in a state of resentment and frustration. i really attribute it to my lack of sleep but then again its not like i can do anything about it anyway.

listening to lose yourself - eminem