the past few days have been nothing special, just events of importance that needed to be done, but well its not over yet, but soon it will be. pardon me for sharing so late, but on sunday, we had the best worship ever. feelings of euphoria and spiritual highs swept through bethel like a wave of uncharged emotions raring to go yet restrained becos of its inability to find release. for me, to be part of the music ensemble that led worship, it was a very different feeling altogether. it helped me to set right my focus for once, to accept so willingly the correcting of my hurts even though it was tough. the many things that impeded my surrendering to God, finally they were resolved. for many it was more then a sense of release, it was more of a re-dedication and it again brought me joy.

i have been nonchalent to my spiritual growth, always letting nature take its course or what, but i failed to see the point. to grow i had to work on myself, and on my heart. going for cell later just confirmed my thoughts even more. yes, feeling that dreadful sense of failure and that overwhelming regret made me even more sorrowful that i had been so selfish, so so selfish in sharing the full extent of God's love to the kids. and i feel ashamed, ashamed that i had been this way for awhile, and it has such destructive purposes.

its time to wake up and smell the coffee, time to re-establish God's truth in my life and in the kids life. i have been idle too long.