the head holds convictions which the heart knows nothing of

the parody of this mindless statement is interesting. true enough the head does hold convictions that the heart is unsure about, or even oblivious to. i didnt realise how strongly i felt about friendship. in my mind i always thought i was the heck care kind of friend who did only the necessary and wouldnt bother to go further then asking how one's day was. call me slow, but i realise to my incredulity that i am far from what ive perceived myself as. i also realised, to my own dismay, that i was depending more on friendships then on God. i felt seemingly overhwhelmed by this realisation and for just a few moments, i was too startled to speak. its not a big issue, dont get me wrong. its more of a genuine surprise?

well then what do i do? i realised that i have to let my friends go, one by one, and slowly release my concerned grasp over them, sometimes being overly-concerned can kill friendships, i would know.. think lucas. ha! and also be more meticulous in understanding the retrospects of friendship and not be blinded by the simplicity that defines it. and i have to learn how to step out of my comfort boundaries and talk to people i have difficulty starting up conversations with. it can be so hard, but i have to start somewhere. friends are like dew drops, some of them leave their imprint on you , some just gets washed away with the rain. i want to concentrate on making true friends and to let it be an effortless process guided entirely by God. friendships are given to make our lives a little bit more bearable, gifts from God. all the more we should be less selective and more accomodating.

for those people who've so blessed my life, thank you. i really do treasure the friendship i have with you.

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