i've had a marvellous day. it was fulfilling, purpose-filled and it made me very positive again. well, to be honest i've had some problems regarding friendships recently and i've been so tired, heavy-laden and i have almost degenerated to the stage of nonchalency and being unfeeling. but thank God for friends who've pulled me out of my own inveiglement. i met winston for breakfast today, it was a really good time of sharing and just catching up a little and with his trusty bible he showed me a few verses which had so much relation to the confusion i felt inside of me. first he showed me the verse which weelock shared with me a few days ago, Jeremiah 17:8. and that verse meant alot for us to be dependent on God and not ourselves, or rather on friends. it was really good just talking and chatting to him cos he really can give some solid advice:)

den i met ailing for lunch in church, she and i had not met up for quite sometime, as in to sit down proper and catch up. so it was a real joy talking to her because she also provided me with many answers i so sought after for. and she gave me new insights and perspectives and even prayed for me at the end. i was sharing with her on how i absolutely cannot deal with problems at home because i simply refuse to and how i once also did not want to deal with friendship problems. and then i told her that maybe this year is a year of healing for me, to heal me from my oversights, my weaknesses and errors. and to make my weaknesses apparent at that. and it will be a slow painful process, but if i let God be God and do what He does best, all the hurt would not be in vain.

ive been leading my cell group with more charisma then anything. its not an egoistic thing, just a painful realisation that the cell's dependency on me would affect their ways of thinking. sure they come for fun and to know more about God and all, but i cant teach dem all the important scriptures, lessons or whatnots if i myself have not firmly grounded God's truth and word into my own heart. maybe i should just let them noe that i am human after all and that i have feelings, feelings that can't deal with many issues and how i have to turn to God for support! i really feel alot for my cell and i want nothing but the best for them. and if i am going to in any way impede their spiritual work with my charismatic ways, then i would rather not be part of this all. i want to work towards a long-term goal. a goal where they would be soldiers for God because they wanted to, and not because they were just herds of sheep following a leader who happens to be..blind.

anyway i really thank God for today, for everything, for letting things go well, and for friends like winston and ailing who mean so much to me, thanks for their encouragement, it really helps make my spirtual walk an easier one.