i've been blogging alot recently! probably its because ive had alot on my mind off late and i just had to type out all my burdens? sigh thats why i say this blog is becoming a daily ranting board for myself. but i've cheered up quite a bit.. as in not to the extent of waking up with a smile on my face but close to that, close to feeling joy again. maybe ive been too hard on myself in the past weeks, always striving for the best and in doing so, losing my focus and knowing whats right. and of cos even tho i would so readily proclaim my growing affection for God and the love of His word, I have been dismal in my seeking after Him, always placing it at the least of my priorities and something that i can do anytime. and so we take for granted His love for us and we just write it off as just something we can turn to when we are in need.

anyway about the loving someone else who loves another thing, it was just a random spew of nonsense. i guess i really did mean it, but maybe not to the extent of writing it so vividly and making it sound like it affected me alot. well it did, but i guess i just felt the necessity to blog in hope of releasing some pain, but of cos it doesnt really help. it just makes me somewhat unsure. anyway i brought a cat home yesterday and yes my parents screamed when they found out..well i told u.. im insanely obvious. haha.. but then again i think it has some sort of virus -blank stare- so i shall send it to the spca.. cos i really cant take care of cats or any other pet for nuts so i really dont want to do them a disservice and end up killing them. so hopefully the cat named smelly-belly cos it poos alot will find a better home then mine.