There is no greater gift than the gift of love.

i was just reading my daily devotional in my inbox just now and i realised how true that was. you know, im really thankful that the daily devotional acts as a motivation for me to want to do my dailybread or to prepare for cell word in any way. but todays devotional headlining love and its ability to be the greatest gift of all just hits me right there, right at my heart. ive been struggling for many weeks, months even, to settle a constant problem thats been riding at the back of my head for oh so long. had a talk last night with a friend at the canal, seriously it was a beautiful place, the weather was fantastic, the breeze was just nice and the moments, forever. its places like this that makes me realise the extent of God's beautiful works, and His grace that unfolds among us sinners.

ive been struggling daily with this issue about love. everyone desires to be loved. be it a relationship kind of love, or a platonic friendship kind of love, everyone desires to be loved. i mean, being in love and being loved is after all such a wonderful feeling isnt it? when my friends are happy, i'm happy. if there is something that needs to be done to assure my friends that i love them, i will do so willingly, because i know how important love works as a motivation. love is so beautiful, so patient, so kind, it perseveres, it hopes and it always trusts. "love is like oxygen" as said by ewan mcgregor in moulin rouge. love has become a necessity in life, hasnt it?

however, love fails. don't misunderstand me. God's love never fails. I wouldn't even have the position to debate about it. It is human love that fails. human love is so precious, yet so fragile. and many times, human love fails. lets take for example a friendship kind of love. many times we fall short as friends, we are unable to be there for each other all the time right? and at times we do things that might displease our friends and many times we get hurt in the process, and we feel miserable, angry and depressed. how about a relationship kind of love, what is always deemed as true love. cliche as it may be, true love fails. all the time. we are often hurt in the different stages of any relationship. one doesnt even need to be in a relationship to be hurt. i myself have been torn apart by the fragility of human love, thats why i've realised that to depend on human love would be far too dangerous.

most importantly for me, ive been struggling with friendships and love. a friend once told me how its sometimes "beyond her understanding how anyone can care for me all the time". for me its different, i believe that if i'm going to be someone's friend, im going to be the best i ever can. no matter what. sometimes it may take going to extremes or it might be as simple as just sitting by each other and saying nothing but what matters if that i can be there for my friends, i want to let them know how much i care and love them.

recently, an rj frend of mine committed suicide. it was a tough time, because i had known her and i had talked to her many times, deep meaningful conversations. yet now, she's gone. and somehow i regret that i hadn't known her better. i dont want that to happen again u know? i was just flipping the bible on verses on unconditional love and i realise that hey, only God can love unconditionally and only He can love us selflessly. who are we to compare?

i have this problem with letting go.

when my friends walk out of my life llike they shouldnt have walked in in the first place, of course i feel hurt. a fine example would be that acjc friend i made during the first three months. we were really close friends and sadly we allowed people's lies tear our friendship aaprt. and i struggled to keep sane as i let the relationships in my life take control of who i am and who ive become. that leers dangerously to a very unsafe situation. God should be the one in control. my friends mean so much to me and i at many times place them above God in terms of priorities. how foolish ive been. it hit me with deep realisation this morning that i was so selfish in my love towards them as friends. i loved them with such selfishness, unlike God's selfless nature, im not even worthy of any comparison. when will i truly learn to love them with true agape love?

addy was sharing with me the peter story about how Jesus questioned him whether he agaped Jesus, and peter said with much conviction that yes he did. he was questioned three times and he replied the same answer, unable to truly measure up to the agape love Jesus loved him with. many of us fall short of this agape love, and the one piece of advice that i can offer up to you is this.

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength

learn to love God first with all you have and all you are, love Him with an agape love, trust Him, trust His promises and trust that He will reveal to You revelations on love itself and you will experience the greatest joy of all -- being loved by God, our Father in Heaven. i'm still learning and i'm still hurting from the many things happening around me. but ive learnt to be stronger in loving God and in desiring to know Him more. I can say with deep conviction that my faith will not waver yet again because i have found that security in Him, that same security many of you are searching about for in different relationships. and truly, amidst these chaotic times, i feel true joy within me.

i apologise for my flippant discussion about love here. i tend to be very incoherent and my thoughts are messy and thrown about, but i just felt the need to share this as i was reading my devotional. i had actually intended this for my own journalling in my diary but i couldnt resist the temptation to share with you how wonderful God's love is! its truly amazing!