ha! i have no idea why i feel so broken.

ailing was telling me that i tend to run away alot from my probs and deal with them later, when things are in shambles and in a not-so-easy to clear up mess. i know i run and i'm hell upset most of the time and the duration as you can imagine, is torturous.

beks! stand up! stand tall! nah. cant seem to. there's something seriously wrong with me.

shite.

ive never been so down. and the one thing that i really hate to deal with is any friendship-related problems. i run and run and in the end it remains unsolved, or left on its own to find its solution. break it down for me will you?

my eyes are tired and my head heavy. there's a general feel of lethargy around me and ive probably no more tears left to cry. and im so drained. life goes on yes, i know. but there's something that hinders my path. oh do pray for me, ive never struggled so hard before. i mean its so bad that i quit the ministries?! thats drastic for me! church is SUCH a big part of me and now, its like some part of me has been extinguished.

tell me why? what? how? and wtf?! ARGH.

she cries a pool of tears, her emotions? void and hardly present. disconsolateness is aparent in her eyes that clearly shows the steel enduring behind, holding on for what seems to be eternity. she hasn't let up yet, no, not so soon. its just dysphoria, she convinces herself unconfidently. i must not waver, she says to herself, i must not. she feels herself numbing up, every single bone, every single muscle, and her heart? moulding itself into rock solid stone. as she stares blankly at the unfamiliar surroundings around her, she can't help but question the reasons for her slow yet deliberate transformation. "oh please forgive me, for I've been cold and weary" she mumbles with great reluctance. He looked at her with great supremity, and she was awestruck by His presence. He stooped down to lift her up and with a gentle smile, He said "I forgive you, for you are mine, and i love you" Touched by His smile, His love, and His purity of heart, she bowed before Him in humble adoration and she was released from her struggles, and set free.