the necessity to be heard
talking like family
walking like strangers
eyes disseminate
searches the surroundings
an anxiety held
in the arms of love
the desire to be read,
the necessity to be heard.

questions come freely
like a melting limestone
disintegrating life's
seemingly mundane moments
to grasp the unknown
to know the unreached
the desire to be read
the necessity to be heard

i wrote the above two nights ago when i was feeling really down and angry with the world, God and myself. its disjointed, and very scattered, but thats the way i wanted it to be. no real structure, just words that first came to my mind. i guess it doesnt really display anger, more of a quiet disappointment with the things around me and the happenings around me. it made me feel really empty and alone. im still somewhat in that mood, but im better. i feel a little more organised and i settled a few things that were really bothering me. ive found certain answers and of course i wouldnt dare doubt the presence of God again. guess all in all God wanted to teach me one simple thing -- that is when all thats important to me is stripped away and i am bare, all i have left to cling on to is Him. and i couldnt reconcile with that for awhile because i felt so deserted and abandoned, and even when i cried out in anger and anguish for Him, He never seemed to be there. He's been revealing himself slowly the past day or so. i have so much more to learn, im a foolish servant, i am but a fool.

on a happier note, today was a better day. guess when i dont stay at home den does it become a better day cos i would be too preoccupied with a billion things to care about the lesser important things. went to the screening of my ah lian film, quite pai seh actually cos i woke up late for the screening so i made alota people wait. oops. and then i headed to town to meet wesley and adrea to study.. didnt get much done as usual. well then was supposed to go back to school but it was cancelled so went to dhoby ghaut to meet dipsy and we took the new north-east line to harbourfront. for fun larh. haha then we had the wildest idea to take the cable car and so we did. man im absolutely petrified to go on one. i mean i love rollercoasters and all but i really freak out on cable cars. so yes after alot of screaming, we(yes ms mok too) managed to overcome our fears! heh so we had four trips to and fro so we bought sushi and bao. haha. had a good talk with her in a way. about leadership and blahblah. anyway then headed to town to meet mr jimmy lim! haha he says i have to mention his name instead of always calling him 'my friend'. haha. went to watch alex and emma, it was typically kate hudson, but an enjoyable watch. quite a long yet fulfilling day dont u think? :)