was just listening to the carpenters, heard of them? they were the ones who brought hits like close to you, top of the world and yesterday once more etc.. and i was just listening to karen carpenters voice. its really beautiful, she doesnt slur over her words, she has clear enunciation of her words, she sings with such passion and drive that it makes me wonder how, above all these things, she chose to live her life through her own eyes. she died due to aneroxia, she didnt eat and was surviving on a measly amount of veggies and bread thru the days. when she discovered that she was aneroxic, she tried hard to overcome it, but finally she succumbed to this deadly eating disorder. its really a darn shame that she should die this way, when God has blessed her with such an amazing voice. im sure anyone who has heard their songs would have her voice etched into our minds like a repeating recorder, such a sweet voice. i just feel that its really a great pity for her to die thinking that she was probably "too fat". and it makes me wonder as to how it all started out? pressure to perform? a boyfriends remarks gone sour? or maybe just her own expectations? ive seen many friends, smtimes even myself, go on crazy diets in an attempt to be slim or skinny. its nuts you know? i guess dieting is subjective and a very touchy topic to debate on, but i think that if it goes to the extent of becoming an eating disorder, then it really isnt worth it. sheesh.

anyway shall not expound on that too much today. i feel guilty for not feeling guilty. hmm.. what i mean is that ive done something wrong but instead of feeling guilty, i feel nonchalent, and i feel bad for feeling that way. i didnt go for cell-leaders training. i deliberately switched my worship pracs cos of one particular reason. maybe its not enough to reason out my open defiance but it satisfies my reasoning for now. sigh. anyway did i tell u? i got whacked in the jaw again. sheesh, people really have bad aiming. this time i tried to move away fast but it still got me square on the jaw. sheesh. and oh, i was just sitting down, waiting for my turn to film again and then suddenly i heard this 'ker-plop' sound and i realised that my friend had tripped over my foot. goodness. she sprained her ankle u know!! ahhhh.. but its not my fault right? i didnt know my foot would cause such..damage? yikes. sorry sorry, and the worst thing was that i was so blur that i asked her why she was sitting in front of me whining. -knocks head against computer table- ah huh. blur again.maybe its just me being slow.