I'm not the type of girl that will let them see her cry
yes. i won't let anyone see my cry, even if my tears are desperately struggling to be constrained, i will not let anyone see me cry. this sentence was taken from the song stronger by sugababes. was just listening to it and realised that through this whole struggle ive really learnt how to be stronger, how to stand up for what i believe in, how to be honest and most importantly, how to be me.

somethimes I feel so down and out
like emotions that's been captured in a maze
I had my ups and downs
trials and tribulations
I overcome it day by day
feelin good almost powerful
a new me that's what I'm looking for

this new me will be a stronger me. someone who firmly believes in God's promises and His plans. i often appear strong and emotionally enduring but in true fact i am just like others, im vulnerable, especially vulnerable to getting hurt. and it builds up this deep cynism in me that makes me the way i am. bull-headed and tenacious. but through this all, ive learnt to be strong, strong in the spirit, strong in my faith and strong in the truth that i always so readily proclaim. thanks to a friend that has helped me realise all this. and to realise that love does not just exist within the contains of a romantic love, but it can be especially special between friends. i am thankful, because i have found what i have been searching for. and i'm really glad.

was out today. went for a quick dinner with nitro and den watched phone booth. stupid show. apart from the fact that the show was unbelievably boring, the ending was terrible and absolutely predictable. so owell the best part was when we just sat down for two potato salads and orange juice at the mph coffee place. cant remember the name. haha shall check it out. talked really long and nitro helped me to calm myself and reflect. which added to the great talk i had with ailing too. she understands me so well that its quite scary, but i really have alot to thank her for, i am what i am because she has so carefully guided me along in my walk with God. yup. nitro also helped me cheer up by going out. really thank God for him. anyway filming wrapped today, thankfully. felt really bad having to puff cigarettes and scream f all over. sheesh. all in the name of professionalism. bah to that.

anyway meeting winston for breakfast tm..and weelock for lunch! haha he's treating...right? :p haha and then chord appreciation course at my house.. den dinner with kids and movie! wooohoo! gonna be busy! at least it beats filming ya? :) and to my annoymous.. just get the crap shit out of my blog la..get a life first, think properly den come back and disturb me k? u have been troubling dopey too. really it doesnt affect us one bit. its quite amusing to see a loser like you get so caught up in this web of gutless, mindless debates. only to provoke responses from people who dont give a shite about you. so really, just walk away, we promise we wont laugh too hard at your departing back.