you know that feeling? the overwhelming sense of failure + the countless amount of emotions riding all over your head and you still aren't sure what you actually think about it all.

plus point. i have a tub of ben and jerry's world's best chocolate ice cream in front of me. say bye to this friendly brown tub with colourful imprints all over it. its now in the flavor graveyard!:( yummeh. oh, i dont usually eat chocolate and ice cream. i actually went on a two year choc/ice cream diet before, which ended last year dec? now and then i have bite-sized chocs or extremes like an entire tub of ice cream when im not in the very best of my moods. fluctuating? hmmm yes. that's my bad point and i know it. and the frustrating part is that i cant seem to change it, hard as i may try. u think i actually like feeling happy and then pummeling down to ground zero again the very next minute? or having myself and a friend take a picture and faking a smile so that i wouldnt ruin the photo? i really want to smile and be happy, and not have to delve into the pits of depression five minutes later. im imprisoned within the depths of my own emotions. where's the joy i speak so much about?

i want to smile and be happy.

is that too much to ask for? sometimes i get so down i just wish that i didnt have those momentary highs, to save myself the complexity of having to feel worlds aparts within a few minutes.

oh btw, the ice cream really is quite good, befitting of its name. yummeh, half tub gone. anyway the weekend ahead actually looks prospective. there's the hillsongs thing im going for this weekend, that should be good. and then there's church on sunday. who am i trying to kid? all these will be momentary highs again. and then week in week out it will be the same thing. joy, and den happiness and then neutrality and then boom! back where i started!

so, as they say. enjoy the simplest pleasures in life. ben and jerry's here i come!