my mind is kinda messed up now.. like wad gen said.. its messy. eveyrthing is messy and just strange. i dunno..recently alot of weird things have happened..as in unexpected things..and its really all kinda hard to deal with. the first week of school has been such a rush..u know with so many things to do, many things to settle..its so in-my-face and so fast! and everytime i try to solve one thing a new one pops up..and smtimes when i look for ppl to be my supportive hold..they sorta disappear.. i guess its not fair to dem either cos they have their own problems too.

sigh u know this world we live in really is a complex one. we are compelled into believing that we must do what society expects and be the best fren we are, or the best academic we can be, achieve the most excellent results so that we can be the lawyers or doctors we were planned out to be. we live in this hard and fast world where once u cant deal with smthing..u fall behind. take for example church. trying isnt enough, u have to dry ur hardest cos once u make a mistake, u lose track and everything will come crashing down on you

i mean what is this world we live in? what does it want? why do we slave over books and tire our eyes out into the late nites when all we are required to do by God is to seek Him earnestly. in that case..it doesnt matter if we are rich poor, stupid or smart, lazy or hardworking..becos what God simply requires of us is our unconditional love and respect for Him. yet that alone is so hard to achieve..which brings back the question to what do WE want..what do WE expect from ourselves..what will please us? an endless supply of cash or countless degrees and doctorades? or simply just the health we long for. to be able to live happily and when we finally leave this world to say that hey ive lived my life to the fullest. i dunno..its troubling to think that we often do and work towards people's expectations.. thats kinda scary eh? cant we just live to please God and God only?

then again, that seems impossible.