without a doubt, one of the worst days i could have
its ironic isnt it? when you actually care, it hurts so much more. i feel so disorientated. its like everything i wanted for my cell or even for myself has disintegrated into.. nothing.

its not like i didnt try. i tried so hard, maybe too hard. beats not trying at all. where has my heart gone? where's my focus? i prepared cell word with so much joy in my heart, i wanted to share with them a part of me they never knew. and this topic was so relevant, and somehow the whole atmospheric tension today just culminated into me feeling like there's no point even trying at all anymore.

im tired. really tired. why the hell do i keep trying?

but you know what truly hurts? its when people who know that i struggle so much to be a cell leader who make things doubly hard for me and truly complicated? boy does it hurt. especially when yr so close to me. :(

sighhh guess it doesnt last*

ay shit my bro caught my fever from me. feelsobad. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

and jess left already. today. arghhhhhhhhhh *cries*

i wanna break down the walls and empty my frustration into the pits of hell